Catsclaw

I didn't want to need her; that wasn't in the plan.
It goes that way sometimes; your heart gets caught,
stuck on a cat's claw, humming like a wire.

Love's a balm but need's a killer; it can waste you,
hollow you out and steal your joy, blight the love,
and scare her into running. Better not to need.

The Buddha had it right; desire is suffering.
But how to lose the need and not lose her?
I tried to back away -- that broke my heart.

I fear I could become a hungry ghost,
howling at the margins of her life.
Not fair to her, or me. Something's got to give.

I'd love her without needing if I could.
When she pushes me away, I need her more.
When we laugh together, I don't ache.

Pain and hope. I could leave her now
if I knew I didn't really have to go.
One kiss would do it, if her heart were in the kiss.

(12 February 2001)